Because I don’t believe you’re not checking him out on the Internet first. Wait—what?! How come his Twitter followers outnumber you? And how come he know your friend Jen?

Your dependable first-date dress is with the cleaners and your backup isn’t really right for a rooftop bar. Is it too late to go shopping?

If you have it on, it’s a bit brazen. But if you don’t have it on, you might be utterly not ready. Is that third date rule still a thing? Ugh, better safe than sorry. 

How did it get so late already? Oh, right, you wasted 20 minutes Googling. That’s OK, everyone detests clumsily standing outside of the bar fake-scrolling through their phone anyway. Still, if you don’t rush it’ll be the difference between “casual late” and “rude late.”

This is nail-biting. Now you have a sore head and your makeup isn’t cooperating and you completely skipped your favorite instructor is teaching boot camp class tonight. How dreadful would it be if you bailed? (Answer: pretty dreadful).

Most men like to pay for the first date, right? Clearly you’ll attempt the wallet reach, and then it would be truly humiliating if he took you up on it and there was zilch in there. But visiting the bank would also make you even more late…

So happy you showered and did your hair, right? Real talk: You’ll likely look like a labradoodle by the time you get there, but at least then you’ll look even MORE beautiful on the second date.

You know, just in case there’s a pause in the talk—you don’t want to tensely rattle on about your gynecologist appointment this morning.

This could turn out to be the first day of the rest of your life. You never know. Hush, do you hear that? Are those wedding bells?

Aye put the breaks, you’re working yourself up. Sure, he might emerge as stunning, and you could be telling your kids about this someday. But he could turn out to be ghastly and chew with his mouth open.

One last hair flip and smile in the mirror. Yep, you would date you. You’re good to go, girl. As a wise woman once said: YOLO.